did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
