I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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