The maid of honor just puked.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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