State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
