can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
