You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
