So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
