So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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