I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
