some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
