There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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