there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
bring money and cleavage
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
