i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
