i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize