It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
