Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
