my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
