went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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