My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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