Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
