my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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