Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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