my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
