thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
