redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
