He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
