We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
