do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
