Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
