I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
