its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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