So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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