sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
