Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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