I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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