The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
