Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
