They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
