and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
