I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
