I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
