I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
