I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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