I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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