How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
