If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
