SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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