Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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