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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
