I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
