i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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