Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
