My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
