I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
