You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
