Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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