Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
