Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
