dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
