Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
