i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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