i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm both gender and math confused
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
