somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
