Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
