Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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