i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
