Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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