i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
