I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
