Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
