I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
