you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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