I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
