At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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