rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize