And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
