he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize