White coat. Heels.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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