Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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